I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
