My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
