We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
