So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
