I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
