The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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