he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?