i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
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dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.