found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this