I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
