Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk