I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
