I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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