I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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