Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
