He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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