u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
