The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
