its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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