I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
