happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
