i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
