I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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