i think my mom watched the whole time
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
