dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize