I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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