I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
