how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
