Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
