I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
