So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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