just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
