Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
