I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
a search helicopter?!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
