I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am one with the molecules
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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