He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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