But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
