there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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