so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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