Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
