it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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