next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
