i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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