uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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