...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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