I want to stick my p in your. b.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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