Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
