I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
