So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
