So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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