Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
