That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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