I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
