I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
