i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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