It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
