people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Damn victory sex feels great
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