god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
