We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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