For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
