Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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