shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
They are going to name an STD after you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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