I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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