That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
