you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
