my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
