I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
