He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You pole danced in your parka.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
