smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
