Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
