i would punch a child for taco bell
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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