Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I need to stop coming to work sober
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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