dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
