I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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