You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
